rain and chocolate

my favorite songs
are the ones that make me feel
like rain and chocolate

i want to feel and
i want to be
like rain and chocolate
all the time

come at you in such a rush or
come with tender drops
slip through fingertips and
quench the thirst
of those who need it
make you feel an intense ice
in your veins
that you have nothing left to do
but set fire to yourself

i will shower the homeless and
bathe the ducks and
trickle down your skin
i will trickle down
the sensitive
of your lips

i want to be pure to the taste, a taste
tastebuds will never forget
i want to melt in your hands and fingertips
with such smoothness
activated by your heat
while leaving tiny crystals of sugar
from my sweet

craved
and making your insides glow
while you hum
your favorite tune

i love when a song
makes me think of
rain and chocolate

a delectable quiet feeling…
it makes me feel velvet
i think this is velvet

the ingredients of me

70% water

a woman is like water

the way she fits
and shapes herself
around your valley

how she enters the cup of your hands
when you need a drink
or a clean face

her emotions are like currents

she’s deep
and you can’t breathe
she’s shallow
never enough for you

her body is tsunami
and her words are whirlpools

her tongue forms waves
and her naval a lake

she rains when you invade
and holds when you need to stay

afloat

a woman is like water

here
there
everywhere

you’re seventy percent water
you’re seventy percent me

i’d like to think, anyway

I feel like a carpet

My eyes feel like diamonds. Heavy and shiny. Glazed like a pair of glass heals. I feel overused. Walked on. Going wherever they are going. I’m about to break. I’m going to crack slowly until the fracture decides to quake. I will shatter and burst. Fragile pieces that cut the soles of your feet to a red.

My eyes are tired. I feel tired.

Every part of me heavy enough to fall and collide to the floor to a pulp. This exterior shielding my skin. It has gone fragile. I’m worn out.

My eyes feel like diamonds. They look so shiny and pretty to you. They have grown heavy. I’ve fed you diamonds, fake diamonds, and you bought them every time.

You don’t even know the difference.

I Wish 11:11 Wishes Came True

11:11 represents the little hope and the little magic that might push us to our deepest desires. Our clocks, watches, phones, and computers flash this symbol that has the possibility to be our genie. It follows us our whole life reminding us that it can grant whatever you want. 11:11 forgives if you missed it tuesday morning because it will come back tuesday night. Even if you missed it again it will always reappear back to you on wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday, and monday. It will always give you an infinite number of chances to make it clear what it is that you want in that one moment; that one minute.

These days I feel like I have been wishing for the same thing. All I can thing about when it hits 11:11 is the wish to be beautiful to the bone, down to the current of my blood running through my veins. I want to shoot out sparkles and murder eyes because of how captivating others find me. That I will keep growing and as I grow I reach an intimidating beauty, the kind a powerful queen may have. I don’t just mean beauty in the physical, but to the very core of my being. I want the ingredients of me to FEEL beautiful. I want to accept myself for who I am. I want to love myself. I want to radiate the beauty I feel in me like the sun on a hot, feverish day. No one will ever make me feel weak. I wish to find my happiness and knock out the sad clusterfuck in me. I wish for good in me and good for my family and friends. All I want is to have good vibes all around me and whoever surrounds me. I wish for my future to not only be happy, but successful. Wishing my college life will amount to something. I want my future to be secure and that it will fill up this hunger in my stomach. I wish to be noticed by an interesting cute guy with marihuana eyes that makes me feel like i’m floating. I feel like it’s very universal, that everyone wants these things. Everyone wants to be shiny, accepted, healthy, secure, free from their demons, and loved for the person they are. The only problem is 11:11 is just a number, and a number can’t change our life. Can it?

How many 11:11 wishes does it take?
Who came up with this tale that our deepest wishes will come true because of a number? It’s bullshit. Life would be too easy. Everyone would be millionaires, and we’d have children flying with unicorns.

No matter what, 11:11 represents hope that one day your wishes will come true, and we should all have hope in ourselves and our dreams. So I guess keep on wishing.

Aladdin is so lucky he doesn’t live in the real world or he’d still be a street rat.

I’m Like A Bird, I Want To Fly Away

How do you break free when each of your feathers are clipped back, and your wings are being frozen?

My cage are the hands of the people who love me. Isn’t that cake?

How am I supposed to be happy when I have no control over any area of my life. People keep choosing for me, and my
shoulders just feel heavy with all this anger bottling up in me. I don’t care if you’re my dad, my mom, my uncle, or anyone. Shut up, and listen to me.

No, I don’t think i’m better than a barista job at Starbucks. No, you can’t decide when I get my car, or when I use my financial aid money. No, I don’t want to date that young man simply because he is SIMPLE.

I am a bird and I am slowly going hairless. I have no ability to fly and to enjoy my fucking wind of CHOICES.

Thank you, Subway lady, for letting me make my own decisions on what I would like on my sandwich. I almost felt independent.

Rant over.

Dogs Love Birthdays, Too!

I went to this outrageous party today. On a tuesday. I know. The party animal in me does not rest, not even on weekdays. I am so tired, and it was full of animals I tell ya.

Literally… It was a party full of animals.

My friends dog was turning four years old so she threw a dog party. Aren’t we wild? It was the best. She made dog cupcakes, and human cupcakes, and she brought party hats. The dogs played and ripped apart their hats. My friends and I laughed as we took pictures and recorded our pets get crunk. She even made dog goodie bags. I swear, we are such a fucking cute group. The neighbors probably thought we were crazy because we were in the corner of the yard, with a tilted birthday sign, wearing our party hats, and just sitting around taking pictures of our dogs. We looked psycho but at least we’re creative. My dog Princess ran around and ate her cupcake. My anti social dog making friends! A mommas dream come true.

I love having friends that love dogs.
I mean, what else are you supposed to do on a Tuesday?

Simple Tuesday

So far, today has been a very simple boring day. I still love it though. I woke up, and though I may not have followed through with the plan of me running, I did wake up to a very special person in my life sleeping next to me. My beautiful little dog. Yes, dogs are people too! It’s so dumb but I am in love with my dog. Who isn’t in love with their pet? Just waking up to my Princess is enough. Bad day or good, that’s the first good thing of any of my days.
Next, I received an email around 9AM from Chili’s. I got a coupon for free chips and queso! My heart did cartwheels and became a full out gymnastics bitch. I love food. I love chips and queso. I love chips and queso from Chili’s. I love you, Chili’s. You don’t know how happy you made me with that coupon. It was kinda embarrassing that I went to the computer lab at school JUST to print that coupon. I’m a broke fat bitch right now. You understand?
Later, my mom gave me gas money. Thank you.
Then, I came to my english class early for the first fucking time in years. It was a very slack class. Easy A.
Now, I am home in my comfy clothes and eating pizza with cheese sticks and nuggets. I’ve had two Capri Suns because we all know one is NEVER enough.
In the later future, like in twenty minutes, I will catch up on the third and fourth episode of Bates Motel. That show has got me fucking hooked.

Grateful for having such a nice day.